Sunday, October 31, 2004
met up with lionel this afternoon. still as charming as before => hee...his life seems pretty dull. poor thing. mine isnt better anyway. yawn`~ later on slacked at yisi's house. heh. so comfortable and cozy!.. monday's op! oh manz`~ and friday is a lvl chinese! ARGH! really no life manz. anyway, went shopping after that. heh. bought a top but my leg was killing me so went home shortly after that. sian1/2. then on the way to tamp interchange, guess wad? hah. a guy approached me and crapped, and his motive was to get me to buy some voucher or something. zZ`~ anyway, could feel myself blushing cos he was pretty cute! whaha`~ but he's definitely younger than me but...still cute hah. anyway im more into older guys ya? cute ones of cos haha...jus joking`~ still, i didnt buy that voucher. 5 bucks lor...and its not like i'd be going to that restaurant or what hee...
had a funny dream last night. i dreamt that god talked to me about me and him! haha. and she was like...telling me we wont last and that i'll find a better one in future. hmm...hah. weird`~ he hasnt contacted me the whole day. he doesnt intend to i suppose. and of cos i definitely wont want to be an irritant. sigh`~ whatever. i've given up hope already. really no point. sian1/2.
got this from a book...it was in chinese and i translated it myself ok! hee...
i hope to be able to hold your hand when i'm distressed
and not let others console me when you broke my heart.
i choose to look at you in silence cos deep in my heart, im unable to face rejection.
i choose to stay but your side in silence cos in an abyss of loneliness, you belong only to me.
loving u is easy
its losing u thats tough.
to continue loving you is still easy
but to accept the fact that u no longer belong to me is the hardest of all.
-this relationship isnt true love-
-having a beautiful ending isnt true love. cos true love doesnt have an ending-
nice rite? sad but true`~
take me with you
12:50 PM
Saturday, October 30, 2004
He walks along
Walking all alone
But he can't see
That what he needs is me
He comes to me,
Then he'll leave again
He doesn't know
Just what it does to me
It hurts to see him
Walking all alone
It hurts, to be me,
To want but to not have him
But he can't see
Oh how much he hurts me
I take him back
Time and time again
But when he leaves
It happens all again
I hurt inside
A pain that is so deep
And he . . . he doesn't know
He doesn't know my pain
Or how much he hurts me
He lives his life
Just fine without me
But me, I hurt,
I hurt for only him
And all this time
He still doesn't know
I reach for him
Reaching oh so far
But he's not there
Not there at all
He's gone away
Away once again
-numbed-
take me with you
1:52 PM
yay met up with ade just now! she said i look tan and red! haha...must be those bball and tennis. lol`~ we went to bugis and kept walking aimlessly cos most of the time were spent talking! hee...took neoprints! niceeeeee`~ hee. known her for 11 solid years! => really missed the old times spent with her...anyway, today was great! going wild wild wet soon i hope hee. went to look at some bikinis but they're rather ex...hmm...
pon-ed chinese today! hah. and we hid in the toilets cos we heard that teachers were going around catching students. we were so frightened that we hid in the cubicles! lol. -dumb- so guilty* played bball today and i sprained my hand fourth finger! its like...the 5th time i've sprained it already. zZz`~ kinda used to it. heh.
-distressed-
he's such a disappointment. perhaps its time to go...
-dont cry over someone who wont cry over you-
take me with you
1:09 PM
Thursday, October 28, 2004
-sick-
tennis.volleyball.bball.
tedious squash training
*dead*
take me with you
11:58 AM
Wednesday, October 27, 2004
gee! went to watch yesterday once more! hmm. an ok show lar but the ending was rather...lousy. leaves you in suspense. hee. the cinema was less than 1/4 occupied! heh. and the best part was, when i rubbed my eyes, the contacts for my left eye came off! lol. couldnt put it back, so throughout the whole movie and dinner, i could only see with practically one eye. heh. today's a cold day! was drenched when i reached school...
burrrr -cold-
had a long talk with my dearest jess today! hee. thanks for being there when i needed someone ger! love ya manz. i'm sure things will go well for the both of you. => as for me...hmm. dont want to think about it.
-lost in thoughts-
take me with you
1:01 PM
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
went to school in an ok-but-not-so-cheerful mood. who would have expected that the train had to go for servicing at tenan merah all of a sudden! in the end a whole bunch of mj students were late but they'd no choice but to let us in => hee...and i almost freezed to death lor...it was
soooooo cold today lo!..boo`~ plus i brought along a lousy sweater with me arghh...
finally, we handed in our written report today. initally all went well and we finished before 5pm. but after mr tan helped us to edit here and there, we'd to re-print everything and rushed like nuts. we even had to plead the photocoping shop auntie to wait for us because we'd to bind them. lol. anyway, its over! yay`~
dunno why i felt like crap just now. sighh`~ disappointed rather. actually tears were welling up during pw period just now. sigh. its like...the feeling of being neglected...feeling of being unwanted. i know i ought to be understanding but sometimes i wonder...why are things seem to be getting out of hand. would it be too late by the time we try to salvage it? hmm. sian1/2. scared. insecure. zZz`~ i'm afraid to talk it out with friends cos...i dun want them to see the uncouth side of me. sighh~ optimistic? i used to be...but i fell so hard that...i thought i couldnt stand up anymore. sian1/2. everything's so complicated. but if love were more simpler, it'd be less magical. whats urs will always be urs, what isnt...will never be no matter how hard you try to capture it. right? => really miss................`~ hmm. but does he...?
-bu xiao xin dang lei hua luo zui jiao, jiu yong ni wo guo de shuo mo diao-
take me with you
1:33 PM
Monday, October 25, 2004
just finished doing pw...pure waste of time lor!.. zZz`~ have to hand in the written report tomorrow! finally manz. so torturing lor...a project which lasts close to 1 yr!hah. less than 2 weeks and pw would be over for us! yay!..hee`~
wa today...we spent more than 450 bucks on only 3 clothes! i got a white gown and a pink dress. heh. its for my sister's wedding. the white gown is damn nice! hee`~ shopped from marine parade to tampines. heh. tried so many gowns and dresses. and my mum was like...every piece looks nice on me whaha`~ i like the white gown! hee...cant wait for that day to arrive but its like...in 2mths time? arghh. its the first time i'm wearing
soooo formal haha. -excited- how should i make my hair? hmm. oh didnt cut my hair as intented to hah. scared it doesnt turn out right lol.
helped daniel to change his blogskin! he said he cannot change it cos of some error. dunnoe how true lol. maybe he's just plain lazy? hee. hmm...its nice ok. hah. i like it!..actually i havent done any of the hw yet! zzZ`~ luckily its mass tutorial tomorrow or not im dead. hee. wanna watch yesterday once more, shark tale, princess diary 2!...cant wait! lol. movies rawkx!
physics practical tomorrow!.. hah gd luck!.. this is the last year they're having practical papers on a single day cos now there's a new system-SPA! arghhh`~ don like it at all. zZz`~ oh and i found my ez link card! yay`~ it was inside my skirt...but i did look for it yesterday...ah nvm hee.
-no point holding on to someone whose heart isnt with you-
take me with you
11:58 AM
Sunday, October 24, 2004
i like my new blogskin! hee...
take me with you
1:43 PM
argh accidentally deleted the whole entry i just typed!! argh...lazy to re-type it.really not my day! lost ezlink card, ouiji board sucks. zzz`~ but still, it was an ok day => lol. went to celebrate mr horse birthday! watched ouiji board @ ps then headed to chompchomp. heh. food was great!! it isnt that far from my house!..hee`~he was touched when we gave him his prezzie and...he can really shop!.. lol.
saw a commercial about that andy lau's new movie and he said, if given a choice...he'd rather his partner dies before he does cos if he were to die first, his partner would suffer...this is
love. hmm. kept me thinking...makes sense but...hmm`~
precious memories`~
take me with you
11:50 AM
Saturday, October 23, 2004
yay played tennis today! hah weather was damn hot but was quite fun! hee. realised i can serve quite ok whaha. later on went to sia training centre with the scas kids. lol. a lady working there said we look very young, dun look like jc students! zzz. worst, another said she lives in pasir ris but does not know about mjc. what sia`! horrible. hee. then the male steward kept talking about being an air steward and so on...i wasnt the least interested! so damn tired. zZz`~ think i ate too much today. arghh`~ ate recess, lunch then ate again at sia training centre. my god. Zz. think i'll gain back the 2kg in no time! -.-
went to buy mr horse prezzie today. heh. converse belt. celebrating his bday tomorrow. => but! damn far ok. first to orchard then to serangoon. zzz. thats so far can! but...hee nvm lar...his bday mah.
looking at the photos...past memories of us flooded my mind. the places went, things did, tears shed, laughter shared and most importantly, the bond and love between us. i'm missing......`~ <
>
Never say I love you if you don't care... Never talk about feelings if they're not there... Never touch a life if you mean to break a heart.
...its still raining...heavily...`~
take me with you
1:13 PM
Friday, October 22, 2004
such a boring day. manz... i lost 2kg and grew by 0.5cm whaha. plus i aint on diet ok. hmm, probably due to stress and problems that were cropping up previously. sian1/2. dunnoe. kinda sucks right. hah. sigh`~
hmm...i thought of a new vision or rather...aim? hee. but...its kinda hard lar. i mean, no one can predict the future right. zzz. i've always been the one waiting? what jess said kept me thinking. but if its worth waiting then why not. but...again, who can predict the future? aww cant find any eye-candies in mj. sian1/2 lol.
-some memories are more precious than love itself- how true is this? hmm...quite true actually. hee. yay no pw for me tomorrow! going changi airport! hmm reminds me of...zzzz`~ oh and by the way, christoper rocked tonights sg idol ok!! absolutely!! heez..
Am i the only one-Marc Anthony
Days have passed
And still no sign of us
Not a hint of what used to be
When you lived in that part of me
This blinding silence
Lives in every room
Of what once was a happy home
Now we're sitting here all alone
Could this be that it was all a lie
And we're just afraid to say good-bye
[Chorus:]
Am I the only one
Who sees what we've become
I see no sense in going on
Or asking what went wrong
We sit and stare at what could be
We both just grew apart you see
And through no fault of our own
It's our house but not a home
It's strange to know
There's truth in what I say
Baby, I know you feel the same
and the truth is
No one's to blame
Two lonely dreamers
Playing by the rules
All we thought of
Was me and you
Now we're faced
With a simple truth
I'd love to say that this is all a lie
But that just means I'm scared to say good-bye
[Repeat Chorus]
Could this be that it was a lie
And we're just afraid to say good-bye
[Repeat Chorus]
Days have passed
And still no sign of us
Not a hint of what used to be
When you lived in that part of me
take me with you
1:20 PM
Thursday, October 21, 2004
i made it => hee...but just barely scrapped through la. nothing to be proud of. zzz. mr cheong said that if they were to really kick out those who cannot make it...next year left 200 odd j2s. what the!! dont understand why our cohort did like crap. arghh. anyways, hmm...
today the coach trained us like monkeys ok! and it was damn tiring lor. nearly collasped. zzz. and because he was kinda teaching us those funny moves, i kept giggling and earned a name-giggle gal by coach! zzz. yawnz. he's going ns in jan. thats so fast ok. zzz. poor monkey. so lazy, how is he going to survive? heh. anyway, its like just 1mth odd away! sighh. hope things do not change...for us. -gd luck-
im damn tired today!! nearly fell asleep during gp, i mean...its so common anyway hee...thats all for today => -yawnz-
-tired- everywhere's aching... =\
take me with you
11:48 AM
Wednesday, October 20, 2004
9 marks!! thats all i need to clear this year! *prays hard* sigh. hope everyone makes it. sobz. chem is a killer man. and i missed by 0.6 marks to get a B for maths c. wad the. grrr. but still a C so...ok lar hee..
pw?! manz...torturing. hate it. grumpzz. hmm. dunnoe why but after that incident, memories of our past starts to flood my mind. cookings...movies...my birthday...pasirrispark...night walks...argh! man...really missed those times! though he was with me just now, its like...i still miss him. dunnoe why. dunnoe how to explain but the feeling is missing, yearning and...wanting more! hah. i aint a psycho but...dunnoe whats wrong with me lar. grumpz. and then he's off to NS next year...haiyo! everything's happening so fast. sometimes i wished time would just stop! sighh. hope jess is coping well...
my leg still hurts! but i've training tomorrow...arghh...think i better start taking my medication tonight heh. forgot to take them for the past few days. kinda last minute but hope it gets better tomorrow haha. havent exercised for so long! dont think im able to take tomorrow's tedious training...argh! oh he's getting chubbier! omg whaha.
havent finished his "present"...its kind of...my way of wishing him well for the A's. yupz...dont think he'll get it anyway, so monkey brained. heh.
im sad. sighh. it hurts.
8 letters, 3 words...
take me with you
11:36 AM
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
today i only got back chem mcq and chinese. i failed chi paper 2 lor. zzz. kinda expected but i passed overall la. hee. hmm why cant they just let us now all the results? so we wouldnt have to waste time attending lectures and chinese. arghh. getting onto my nerve =( so many rumours going around...scary!!
heh watched white chicks today. poor yvonne and kuanlye had to watch again. it wasnt THAT funny la but it was ok. but it isnt worth watching twice! shark tale is damn cute can! gotta watch that! heh. oh and peilin was mentally tortured by ms ee who was sitting beside her during econs lect. today. whaha. damn funny. just dont get it why this is happening...hmm...
suddenly...i feel...what? urm fear? yeah...haiz...so many things on mind. will things ever go smoothly for me? its like...the feeling i dread most is back once again...the fear of losing...the fear of being left alone. sighh. all i want is...............................hmm. just hope the bugging feeling will go away. yawn. cant wait to go skating with jess!! yay!! hope she's fine. and ade and santi and leo and sg and whoever is reading this now...gee...im so kind. haha. well anyway...yupz...hope he'll do well for his A's.
whats done cannot be undone...
take me with you
12:17 PM
Monday, October 18, 2004
ok this is my first entry! and being computer illiterate, im kinda lost. yeah as usual hee. monkey says i'll get tired of it one day. hmm. anyways, i guess i express myself better in this way...kinds of help me open up and understand myself better. heh. i hope so. lol.
my first step into mj kinda changed me i suppose. i mean...new environment, new friends, more work, him. yeah...i used to be more free-spirited and carefree. but now...i tend to think alot more and always have a compressed feeling in me. dunnoe why either. really missed my sec sch friends, the teachers and of cos the fond memories. aww. but im glad that i've friends who never left me whenever i needed support. without them, i wouldnt be able to cope with the stress and everything. they taught me what friendship is all about. love ya guys man!!
hmm. i always tell others that a flawless life is pretty dull and without problems cropping up one after another, we wouldnt be able to learn. grr. but for me...i mean...i know im supposed to treasure the present and stuff like that. but, often, things have to really happen as in...i lose it or something then i really learn to cherish. im retarded i guess. but it doesnt mean that i've never treasured anything or what but perhaps...not enough? urm how much is enough then? if you really really treasure it now and you lose it...does it mean u wont regret? does it? grr. dunno. dunno whats with me either. suddenly think that i suck when it comes to my own problem but sound like an expert when it comes to other's. sigh. i spent almost 5 hours watching vcd ok! and leo said its because i didnt want to think about my results? he knows me i guess. perhaps better than myself. hope he'll muster enough courage to woo back tricia. oei leo u heard that!!! haha.
tomorrow's dooms day. really. i've got no confidence in anything whatsoever. i'm easily defeated. i suppose. but jess says im strong? am i? argh. how come i dun even know myself. well i really hope she and her guy will last. it does not matter that they're half a globe apart from each other, so long as their love never dies for each other. but does love alone determines everything? i used to think that so long as 2 person love each other, they must be together. but in fact, there's more to that. but i still believe that it is one of the most (x3) important factor to keep a relationship going. ok im being crappish again. anyway about tomorrow!! what course should i take in poly? damn. i let my parents down. useless me. sigh. argh dont wish to think about it.
right now im feeling...not exactly sad but not exactly happy either. its more like...in a lost and frighten. see how complicated i am!! argh. partly its because of results, partly its because of...how do i face my parents/mr raj/miss tan/my sis when i see them! and partly is because im missing...blahz!.. sian1/2. oh man still got pw. should i hold on to my responsibility and help them complete it? yes i should but...hmm. sigh. okok. enough of this man. all i want...is for everything to run smoothly. damn im contradicting myself again from what i said earlier on about a flawless life blahz. sometimes simple things...thats all im asking for yet, it seems to hard to get...so far away. what to do. zzz.
pray for me can. oh and im irritated!! i've no lesson until after recess but have to report for morning assembly as usual! then what am i supposed to do after that? rot? nothing left to rot la...waste my sleeping time somemore! sian can! hmm. when shall i give him that thing? will he appreciate it? hmm. because its /definitely something he doesnt need. lol. all right. hope i'll be able to get to sleep tonight. argh.
take me with you
12:28 PM
